I was looking at the last post I wrote, and it seems decades ago that I did. It’s like watching yourself through someone else’s eyes. There is a dizzying feeling of deja vu. And then, a complete blackout.
Then, I was struggling with my studies in the final year of my BS. I was hopeful of new things afterwards. Excitement at being a real adult? LOL. It is exciting to be moving towards independence: Making your decisions about your life. Studying more. Learning a new language. Going places. Tutoring younger kids. But it is kind of ouch that I can’t hide behind my mother anymore.
Actually, scratch that. As the mother of a quintessentially good Pakistani girl, my mom is the one determined to finish off training me to be a responsible adult, in and outside my home. I swear to God, enrolling in the military would be nicer (I hear you, PMA cadets, but still). But irked as I am, always having been the most loved of my parents, I am grateful that my mom is pushing me to explore boundaries I never would have.
Because you see, I wouldn’t mind being called adventurous, dynamic and outgoing but voila! I am the biggest complacent couch potato if left to my own devices. I’ll happily live through others eyes, hence my love of reading. My horror for conflicts leaves me firmly in the position of a moderator. Or else, I hide in my room till every storm has passed. So here is how it usually goes with my mom these days:
“Go on, learn driving and pass your test in the first attempt and don’t fail me”. As in dare to take a day off from driving school and you are finished.
“Check the salt and masala in your Handi yourself .” The biggest horror for me, I am officially convinced there is something off with my taste buds.
“Be more efficient,hurry hurry hurry.” (Mom, I am a natural daydreamer. I can’t help it)
“Think proactively for God’s sake.” Example: Get up early and make breakfast for everyone instead of getting your breakfast in bed. Still working on this one, and actually, this is the only luxury I demand: Give me a good breakfast and I’ll do whatever you want all day.
“Go get the misspelled name on your language certificate corrected first thing tomorrow. What are you sitting around waiting for?” Hint: I am tired of it because hello! All my life, misspelled name!
“Dress as a responsible adult. You aren’t a teen anymore. Prepare well ahead of time. If I see you running around minutes before we are due to leave…..” The unspoken: I have my eyes on you, young lady. Your privileges in life are on the line: No Wi-Fi, no allowance, no cuddling up.
“Lack of concentration.” This phrase is the bane of my life. If I hate anything, this is it.
“Get up for the morning walk with me, you are too lazy.” Every day for the past 10 years. This is testimony to how constant I am. I do go. sometimes. Twice a month. Maybe
“Get a job or start a business. Work your own way up. Be your own boss.” Like mom, I am an engineer with zero aptitude for business? But yeah, my current hobby: Job hunting.
So I think as annoyed and deflated I feel sometimes, I love my mom to bits. She is never loud or boisterous, her warnings have humour, her jokes, albeit at my expense, have heart and her eyes have a mischievous glint (If incidentally that is not the case, I run for my life. No kidding). She tells me constantly I can do whatever I set my mind to do. She tells me to control my own life.
I end up being half as hip and outgoing and sensible as she is, I’ll be the happiest woman alive. Yeah, but I might not tell her that just yet. Wish me luck y’all. 🙂